How The Feather Foundation came to be

As my name would imply (given that I already stated I embrace transparency) “Feather” was not the name assigned to me at birth, however it is my chosen name, and I feel that it is highly metaphorical with regard to who I am as well as my overall philosophy on life and everything in between. I would also like to say that I am normally not someone who would name something of this potential magnitude after myself. Really, the deciding factor came down to a couple of very random details: I like alliteration. I like the metaphorical context that the name provides, and perhaps the best part as far as how I first came to this specific word as a name is a story that always makes me smile: I was volunteering a couple of years ago at one of the kindergarten classes at the local elementary school. “Feather” is one letter different than my given name, and as five year olds are inclined to do, one precocious little girl was attempting to get my attention and “accidentally on purpose” called me “Miss Feather”, and I looked at her and she quickly corrected herself but I was getting that sidelong, peeking up from the lashes  glance one gets when a child is testing boundaries and is waiting to see how the adult responds. I smiled at her and said “Oh, it’s fine.  Actually, when I was about your age, I had an aunt that called me that sometimes. I hadn’t thought about that in a very long time, but I really like that name, so you and all of your classmates are free to call me “Miss Feather” or “Miss Heather”, and I will respond to either.”  Naturally, all of them preferred Miss Feather, and frankly, so did I. I believe when children offer these unexpected little gifts, they are, by my way of reasoning, incredibly special and often sacred. I didn’t make the decision to go by that as my official/unofficial name for about another year, but my little friend was the one who planted that seed. And I am very thankful she did. It also demonstrates quite nicely there is precious little about who I am or how I came to be doing this specific work, that most people would consider “traditional.”  I see that as a strength as opposed to a weakness, mainly because I started my young adulthood with fairly traditional aspirations, although at this point it would be safe to state that the universe had different plans. 

More accurately, I spent the first part of my life (essentially up until the past few years) incredibly inhibited, lacking self-worth, afraid of new experiences, afraid of strong emotions, always putting my needs last if they were even noticed and attended to. I felt that I had to please everyone and do what was expected without considering if it was something I wanted or not, whether it felt true to me, because truthfully, I didn’t yet know those things about myself. I did not know that everything I desperately felt I needed and wanted was already lying dormant inside me.  Ultimately, I had the keys to unlock my own cage. Throughout the personal blog portions of text, I will randomly tell you the things that helped me to get to the place where I am, and if they sound like they might in any way be of value to you, I encourage you to experiment with them. I am not saying you should, you need to, and I do not offer unsolicited advice. As stated previously, I like to think of this as site as providing “open-source information”. Only you know if any of it has the potential to be worth experimenting with for yourself. There is no particular order for many of these things, nor is there one specific path. My rule of thumb is that if it grabs your interest and also seems doable in your daily life, that might be a good one to start with. That’s simply my personal perspective. That doesn’t mean it is the right perspective for you. I am simply putting what will be going forward as “Feather’s fun facts”  which are not always regarding any of the things I used to help myself, some I simply put in there for additional information that I personally find most fascinating, but remember the giant nerd thing? Many of you will not be nearly as delighted or care remotely. But, I’m going with: “this is my site, I’m going to do what I want. So there.“ You don’t have to care, I am not saying you should or asking you to even pretend. Doesn’t affect me. For those that might potentially, at any given point in time, find them to be of potential value in any way, enjoy. Or not…again…up to you. 

Ultimately one of most influential lessons I have learned is that my personal journey goes most smoothly when I let go of ties to any one specific theory, discipline, belief system, or specific lens through which I filter everything. When I allow my mind and occasionally my physical self to let the wind carry me, I always find myself exactly where I need to be. In this instance, had I not done just that, this foundation would not exist, and I would likely not be nearly as content as I am with both my personal and professional life.

Which is also why I stand firm in my belief that knowledge is not meant to be hoarded, only available to the privileged, or those that know where to look for resources (which is not something most individuals have been taught to do well and effectively). It is meant to be shared, I personally believe freely. I like to think of it this way: one someone knows something, assuming you found it to be worth committing to memory, sharing it with others is not taking anything away from yourself.  This isn’t like giving away the last $20 to your name to help the individual on the corner of a busy intersection who is requesting donations for their survival. Sharing information that helps someone is the equivalent of keeping your last $20 while still being able to magically provide that person in need with another $20. From my perspective, it’s a win win situation.  I’m sure someone will read this and think… “ well, couldn’t I keep that extra $20 for myself and then I would have $40?” The answer is “no, that is not how it works in this instance”. If you take objection to that statement, you probably will not enjoy working with me. I’m just being transparent.

I’m sharing a lot of my story, because I am a very abstract thinker, and I have a writing style that comes from way too many years writing ungodly long papers that eventually became so deeply engrained it is essentially muscle memory, so fair warning if reading is not your preferred form of taking in new information.  (I promise you that I rarely speak this formally) I realize this style is not useful or ideal for everyone, because a lot of people are more concrete and linear, or prefer to learn in a style other than reading. If you happen to be one of those individuals, it is likely my writing style will make you want to throw something in frustration. So, I am aware that I can’t please everyone. That’s reality, but I can attempt to be considerate of differences, which means that to attempt to compensate for my overly explanatory and detailed writing, I like to give actual examples, almost always my own. Both in order to refrain from infringing upon anyone’s personal story (because that’s not mine to tell), as well as attempting to integrate humor as much as possible. If I have not yet made this apparent, “I’m not just the founder of the SPD foundation, I’m a member!” Sorry, old bad commercial. If you recognize it, thank you, that makes me feel less old. To put it more plainly, I have SPD. I only figured this out less than a year ago, essentially by random chance, or the complex workings of the universe, however you may like to view it. Despite all of my education, I had not once heard the term “sensory processing disorder”.   When I did, I began to do extensive research and a giant puzzle piece that had been missing from the picture of my life magically fell into place. A lot of things from my childhood particularly and some things that are still part of what make me who I am that I could never adequately explain from a psychological POV suddenly made perfect sense. 

So, in hindsight, I can look back at some of what were my “SPD induced antics” and find them pretty funny (now). She’s not available to consult, but I can pretty much guarantee you that my mother would have said they were anything but, and I have precious little doubt those sentiments ever changed.  I have learned there are on occasion certain situations in which the only options boil down to either tears, because I am focused on the worst part of it ( which is very real, and I have done that, and there is never shame in that choice) however, at this point in my life, I have done enough of that for myself and possibly a small country. Now, if I have the option to find humor in that moment, I’d much rather laugh, and have you all laugh with me. For anyone who has seen Steel Magnolias, “laughter through tears is one of my favorite emotions” says Truvy, played by Dolly Parton. I wholeheartedly agree. I am who I am, I’ve had some interesting and perhaps uncommon experiences, and I have gotten to the place where I do not need everyone, or anyone really, to like me, love me, tell me I am good enough etc. Those were lies initially told to me until I learned to tell them to myself without question. I believed them for an exceedingly long time. And they made me miserable. I see those as lies, which is why at this point in my life, at the end of the day, if I am living as I strive to and thus am right with myself and feel I am doing my part in whatever little way in the universe that I believe is working towards the fulfilment of my purpose, then I’m content.  That’s more than enough for me. That’s very honestly also what motivates me. Helping people truly nourishes my soul. I pun intended, did give the traditional means of going about this the good ol’ college try. Turns out, not so much for a variety of reasons. So, like most things at this point in my life: I do what works for me. 

My perspective was the singular most powerful thing I was able to change about myself that subsequently changed everything else (and ultimately set me free from the war in my head that I’d been silently waging). Once my perspective shifted, then everything followed. It is something that is deceptively simple, it was not easy. Those are very similar sounding concepts but very very different realities. Honestly, if an individual wants to and is committed to working through their own personal “demons” or whatever you prefer to call them, these are very simple concepts. Certainly not 5 hundred thousand self-help books and eighteen years of therapy or ten years pursuing a degree that no longer matters to me (I may have learned tools or skills that I had tucked away for further use that originated in some way from any or the above, but in and of themselves, none of those specific things brought about my personal transformation).I had to do my own work to set myself free. It was not easy, but it was worth every single hard-won battle.